Final Epistle from Far China
May 20, 2013
After surviving two months without serious physical harm I feared I would not live through the taxi ride to the airport. The roads may have been quieter, but this allowed the driver ample opportunity to practice his Rally Cross skills, combined with drinking tea, smoking and arguing on the phone. I was unable to appreciate the misty early morning city due to maintaining the brace position to facilitate easier identification if we met with a cement truck.
It has been a fantastic experience, I recommend it to everyone, and worth it alone to improve my personal best in the ‘Night Time Dog Turd Slalom’. My improvement is at a level which a 1980’s East German middle distance runner wouldn’t be ashamed of. I’ve also enjoyed having the status as a prophet because I know what happens at the end of ‘Friends’. However, I am looking forward to Mother slaying the fatted stilton on my return. There is also the excitement of Father’s solar panels to be experienced (I’ve already been sent an image of the meter!), and he has offered to take me to see the site of the old Tongland viaduct, so I really cannot refuse.
I celebrated my penultimate night with a street stall barbecue and made the traditional ceremonial presentation of what remained of my Marmite to an English artist who lives in the city; he was understandably thrilled. Thus far I have avoided a cavity search, but been treated to several thorough friskings (an added bonus of looking scruffy and suspicious), and with luck the inevitable tonsillitis I’ll suffer after the flight won’t be too severe. I’ve just noticed a massive flock of birds circling the airport, no doubt in search of my plane, so at least my luck is consistent, and when the toilet on the plane is an appealing prospect it is surely a sign of desiring the drizzling embrace of the homeland, either that or a symptom of some exotic tropical illness, so something to look forward to either way. I'm hoping other airlines will join FinnAir in including black leather gloves as part of the uniform for the cabin crew, it adds a nice frisson of discipline.
I assume somebody is readying a G&T in preparation for my arrival, there will be trouble if not.
Posted by naomi lethbridge. Posted In : travel
